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It rains a lot, is supposedly gloomy and has been declared the most miserable place in the UK. But is that enough to put Steve Hill off his Edinburgh holiday?
Edinburgh is home to a fabulous castle, spectacular skyline and instantly recognised for playing host to one of the most famous festivals in the world, but the Scottish capital now has another claim to fame... as the most miserable place to live in Britain.
An academic research team recently listed a total of 273 locations throughout England, Scotland and Wales according to the level of happiness enjoyed by local residents. And anchored to the very bottom of the list was 'Auld Reekie', as the city was known when countless coal and chimney fires choked its atmosphere.
That era of pollution and gloom is now as hard to imagine as the truth behind the poll of those researchers because if Edinburgh really is such a miserable home for residents (and most locals appear genuinely baffled by the conclusion) then it's an absolutely terrific city to visit and one trip will never be long enough to see, do and taste everything it has to offer, even if it does rain, which it does a lot here.
Castle rock
The best way for newcomers to orientate themselves is to visit the aforementioned castle which sits on top of a long-extinct volcano and boasts commanding panoramic views of the city and beyond. These days there are no observers straining their eyes into the distance, on the watch for invading rivals, but on clear days, it is possible to enjoy a vista that includes the distant mountains of Fife.
And a clear day is what you need to soak in even a smidgeon of this fortress and palace's history, from the evocative Scottish Crown Jewels and Stone of Destiny – Scotland's coronation stone – to the 12th century St Margaret's Chapel and Great Hall complete with historic roof.
The castle dominates what is known as The Old Town, a relatively small and compact area which is home to many of Edinburgh's most popular tourist sites. And it is linked with Holyrood Abbey by what just about everyone calls the Royal Mile but which refers to the cumulative linking of four different streets teeming with historic attractions.
Walking this Scottish mile – it's actually just short of 2000 yards – could be made to last virtually another complete day with historic sites, monuments and buildings cheek-by-jowl, competing for attention with the inevitable souvenir shops. With so much to see and absorb at every turn, it would be easy to overlook The Real Mary King's Close, a relatively new attraction that has been open only five years.
Time warp
It's a network of four streets containing the remains of original rooms and townhouses that run below the Royal Mile but which lay covered up as the foundations for what became the City Chambers for more than two centuries.
It is accurately billed as 'an underground time capsule' where costumed guides give an insight into what was an often harsh life for residents from the 16th to the 19th centuries, and well worth checking out – particularly on one of Edinburgh's frequent wet days.
The far end of the Royal Mile, meanwhile, is similarly loaded with its fair share of attractions, including the controversial 'love it or loathe it' new home to the Scottish Parliament, the 17th century Palace of Holyroodhouse, as well as the atmospheric ruins of Holyrood Abbey.
For those wanting to burn off a few more calories, it's a good idea to check out the nearby Holyrood Park, a vast area of rough terrain, hills and parkland slap bang in the middle of the capital. A popular two-hour walk covering a distance of 6km (and relatively straightforward, despite a 250-metre climb – promise!) takes in the ruins of St.
Anthony's Chapel and Arthur's Seat, an extinct volcano which dates back 350 million years, for yet more superb views of the city before heading back to ground level.
It's now definitely time to refuel, and finding somewhere to eat will not be any kind of problem as Edinburgh is blessed with a comprehensive choice of cafes, restaurants and pubs offering every kind of cuisine imaginable.
It seems to be accepted wisdom that prices are slightly lower in the nearby New Town which, despite its name, is really quite old as it was first proposed in 1750 as a modern and sophisticated way for the city to expand.
Fit for a Prince
The main thoroughfare is Princes Street which accommodates another long list of attractions, including the imposing monument to Sir Walter Scott, the Royal Scottish Academy and the National Gallery of Scotland where admission is free. It is also free to wander around the Scottish National Portrait Gallery in Queen Street for a lesson in Scottish history. And entry is gratis to the impressive Royal Botanic Gardens, just outside the city at Inverleith Row.
A little further away at Leith, the Royal Yacht Britannia is moored following its decommission in 1997. This was the British Royals' floating home for 44 years and provides a fascinating insight into a world of privilege that most of us can only dream of.
There is clearly no shortage of sights to enjoy during the day but it's a good idea to keep plenty of energy back for the evening as Edinburgh is overflowing with musical venues, trendy bars and nightclubs.
The Corn Exchange (www.ece.uk.com) hosts world-class musical events, from rock and jazz to classical and world, and the Edinburgh Festival Theatre (www.eft.co.uk) welcomes dance troupes, opera and drama while the Edinburgh Playhouse (www.getlive.co.uk/edinburgh) is worth checking out to see which famous musical is in town.
The Jazz Bar on Chambers Street (www.thejazzbar.co.uk) and the Jam House on Queen Street (www.thejamhouse.com) are popular live music venues while the clubbing crowd are spoilt for choice with current hot spots including Cabaret Voltaire (www.thecabaretvoltaire.com) and The Bongo Club (www.thebongoclub.co.uk).
It's easier to find a pub offering live music than it is to observe a Scotsman walking down the street in a kilt but if you're after something more sophisticated; the choices are endless, from the recently reopened Rutland on Rutland Street to the Balmoral Bar on Princes Street.
One useful tip for all visitors is to check out The Edinburgh Pass (www.edinburgh.org/pass) which includes free entry to a long list of attractions (but not the Castle or Royal Yacht) as well as free bus rides and airport transfers. Summertime visitors can check out the Edinburgh Festival which in reality is seven separate events spread over six weeks from late July (www.edinburghfestivals.co.uk) though be aware that accommodation prices soar because of the weight of visitor numbers.
And the same is obviously true for the renowned traditional Hogmanay celebrations over New Year when around 100,000 people cram into the Princes Street area for fireworks, live music and fairground rides despite the often bitter temperatures, one of the biggest annual street parties in the world ... with those of a miserable nature advised to stay well clear.
Where to:
Hit the hay: The multi-award winning Glasshouse (www.theetoncollection.com) is a luxury boutique hotel perfectly located close to Princes Street.
Eat posh nosh: The Kitchin, on Commercial Quay in Leith (www.thekitchin.com) is named after Tom Kitchin, Scotland's youngest Michelin-starred chef who is renowned for his use of local, seasonal produce. Dinner, without wine, will set you back about £45 per head.
Enjoy cheap tuck: For award-winning fish and chips or a taste of the national dish of haggis, head for the award-winning L'Alba D'Oro on Henderson Row in the New Town (www.lalbadoro.com)
Swim with sharks: A 15-minute train ride from Edinburgh city centre takes you to Deep Sea World (www.deepseaworld.com) where you can don a wetsuit and join sand tiger sharks for a swim in the 4.5 million litre aquarium. Or just watch, if you're of a nervous disposition.
Shop till you drop: George Street includes Harvey Nichols and a handful of designer label shops while the department store Jenners is the highlight of Princes Street. Or for something completely different, Cabaret Antiques, Curios and Books on West Port is packed with unusual treasures.
Further info: www.edinburgh.org
Traveller's cheques
Getting there: Fly Dubai to Glasgow (a one-hour drive from Edinburgh) with Emirates (around Dhs 4200) or jet to London (Heathrow or Gatwick) or Birmingham, and take a train to the Scottish capital.
Visas: To check on whether you need a visa to travel to Scotland, visit www.ukvisas.gov.uk/en
Before you get there…
Watch: Trainspotting. A classic triumph-in-the-face-of-adversity tale for one man and his mates set in impoverished Edinburgh during the economic depression of the 1980s. Not one to watch with the kids, but certainly worth a look for an alternative view of the city.
Read: Robert Burns. The favourite son of Scotland. His poems and collection of adapted folk songs have survived the test of time with Burn's Night, January 25, becoming more widely observed than the official St. Andrew's national day on November 30.
Listen to: The Proclaimers. Twin brothers, Charlie and Craig Reid produced the 1988 classic hit I'm Gonna Be (500 miles), which has since become an unofficial National Anthem for Scots everywhere. If you can learn to sing in their accent you'll be accepted.
Decide your colours: Hearts or Hibs? Scotland has historically been split by sectarianism. If you're originally Irish Catholic you'll side with Hibernian Football Club from the north east of Edinburgh and if you're Protestant, of pure Scotch stock, you'll back Hearts of Midlothian from the west of the city.
Perfect the recipe: Of a battered Mars Bar, the national snack. With fish and chips being the staple diet of a Brit, it is only natural to progress on to the deep frying of other food items. The concept dates back to 1995 in Stonehaven, Scotland but an ice-cream vendor from Manchester says he did it first in 1990.
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