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THE PROBLEM: I share a small office with an ambitious colleague already on the same level as me in spite of being 25 years my junior. Mostly we get on fine, though I am maddened by his frequent telephone calls to his wife. "Hello, honey pie," he says in a silly voice and then discusses mundane details of the day. Worse still, their three-month-old baby is put on the phone and he says "da, da, da". What can I do?
Accountant, male, 55
THE ANSWER: A small, shared office is a wretched thing. You are practically sitting in each other's laps for eight hours a day and have to listen to each other, smell each other and pretend to get on.
I used to work with someone who spent much of his time calling local police stations as his son kept getting arrested. At least this was more interesting than "da, da, da" - which has nothing to recommend it at all.
It sounds to me as if you are doing rather well in these tricky circumstances. You have every reason to resent your office mate for being so very much younger than you and for doing so much better; the fact that it is only the cooing that gets you down says a lot for you.
This is one of the main gulfs between our baby boomer generation and Generation X. We bark "Yes?" when our families call us at work, while generation X see nothing unseemly about being soppy fathers in public. This means there is no point in raising the matter with him.
He will think you are a crusty old git, which could be unfortunate when he becomes your boss in a couple of years' time. Instead, you need to find some way of getting the message across subtly.
You could try sending out bad vibes - frown, look uncomfortable and shuffle papers in a some-of-us-have- work-to-do way whenever he starts cooing. However, I fear this may not work: if he is blind enough to believe his three-month-old baby likes to chat on the phone, he may be blind to your distress signals.
The best thing is to get up and leave every time he does it. Unless he is phenomenally stupid, he will eventually notice he is inconveniencing you and may join the other young men in the corridors outside making baby talk with their wives and children on their mobile phones.
What others say
Your ill-concealed fury at being surpassed by someone significantly junior is manifesting itself in absurd hostility towards a demonstrably very happy-sounding young man. What is wrong with you? Find a healthier outlet for your own failings.
Director, female, 30s
There is nothing you can do. I shared with a guy who used to call his mom and at the top of his voice discuss her doctor's appointments, illnesses and how much money she had in the bank. He also used to eat fish on Fridays and no matter how much we sprayed the office with air freshener he would not get the hint.
Analyst, female, 45
Express an interest - ask to see pictures of his child and his wife. Say how very attractive they both are - he must be very proud, etc. Ask about them every day. When he is on the phone stop working and overtly watch him, listen to his conversations with his wife, and nod when he coos. In other words, join in. This will unsettle him and it will stop.
Accountant, male, 45
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