When I tried Cuban-American actor Andy Garcia's swaggering walk, it turned into a waddle because of my beer belly and that is when I decided it was time to try and turn back the clock.
A website on good health advised me to go walking. "It's free and you get to enjoy the scenery at your own pace," it said.
It advised me that I needed good walking shoes or "trainers". I found the pair in a shop in Bur Dubai. They cost Dh200. Tightening the laces took some time as the laces went through umpteen eyelets. But the trainers were great. They lifted me one inch off the floor and it felt like I was walking on a cloud.
Then the website said I should get trainer pants. "Buy the best," my friend advised me. "They last longer". The pair cost me Dh250. A grey Newport T-shirt and I was already looking good. "Hey, maybe I won't have to go walking after all," I thought to myself.
Another website advised me that I buy a pedometer to keep track of my "workouts" to motivate myself. The website is http://walking.about.com
The pedometer I wanted was a gadget geek's delight. The salesman said it cost Dh1,200.
It had a GPS (global positioning system) and other powerful features and still looked like a watch.
The only problem was that I live in the Gardens and there are a lot of trees around. The GPS does not work when you walk under a tree. So I bought a cheaper version with a foot pod that kept track of the steps taken, the calories burned and also warned me when I was overdoing it, through a heart monitor. It cost Dh590.
Setting out
Three weeks had passed and I hadn't taken a single step. Incidentally, you are supposed to walk a mile a day, that's about 1.6 kilometres, to ward off the advancing years. Finally, one night at 10.25pm precisely, I clicked the start button on the pedometer and set out at a brisk pace.
It was absolutely quiet at first and then I heard the racket of the crickets chirping. Suddenly, a couple started a rollicking, great fight somewhere. "Get out, get out," the woman screamed and then started wailing hysterically. Nobody stirred, and as I walked I saw the flicker of TV screens through each window of the ground floor apartments.
Ten minutes passed and my nose suddenly twitched. A dreadful smell assailed my nostrils. It was like something had died and turned rotten. The smell curiously, was coming from very pretty, tiny, white flowers.
Thirty five minutes later I was completely lost. I had never come to this side of the Gardens before. The lights on the pathway had gone out and now I could only hear the swish of my polyester pants and squeak of my new shoes. For some reason I got goose bumps and needed to look behind me.
I quickly turned on to the main road and a Chinese woman came into the light carrying a large bag. We avoided each other's eyes. It was too late in the night to exchange pleasantries.
The sprinklers suddenly started and I had to skip and jump to avoid them as they went spraying erratically. The humidity got worse. My T-shirt was now soaking wet, my inner wear was clinging to me like Batman's suit and a steady stream of sweat dropped from my nose and finger tips. Forty five minutes later and I wondered if I would drop with a heart attack and checked my speed dial whether I had the emergency number. My breath now came in deep rasps. Then a car slowly pulled over beside me. I heard the driver and passenger giggle and then it sped away.
One hour, and I had walked 6,820 steps. My hand trembled as I put the key in the lock and let myself in. I crashed on the sofa and popped open a can.
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